Meltdown!!!

So last night, my four year old was sent to the naughty chair for spitting at hubby (can any of you imagine spitting at your parents when you were a kid?) .

What ensued was a meltdown that rivaled any I have seen on those Nanny rescue shows. There was screaming...scratch that...SHRIEKING, tears, grunts, yelling, jiggling (that's the best way to describe the boppy up and down thing he was doing with his body while he was sitting on his knees), flailing and sobbing.

I was left to monitor this spectacle, while hubby went to young son's room to pack up all his Thomas play sets (the Island of Sodor is no more). Of course, my son knew what was going on in his bedroom which just enraged him all the more. It practically sent him into convulsions.

I have to say...I was flabbergasted. Shouldn't he be outgrowing this kind of thing by now? I mean, what happened to my sweet little peanut?

Hubby and I have tried to avoid the spanking thing, but I gotta tell ya, the naughty chair does not seem to be working. We are working on our consistency with it, which is part of the problem. We have also utilized taking toys and t.v. privileges away. Nothing seems to have much of an effect for very long. He has recently taken to saying, "That's o.k. It doesn't matter." And that's about how effective the naughty chair is too.

Now, I realize that the common wisdom is that spanking only teaches that hitting is o.k. Which I agree with, to a point. But hubby and I were both spanked as kids and neither one of us is walking around hitting our co-workers or random people on the street that tork us off. Also, I'm happy to say, neither of us has spent any time in jail for anything.

We both grew up respecting our elders and authority. We don't steal, we don't drive drunk, we don't get into bar fights, we don't (frankly) even go to bars. We don't hate our parents, we have never killed anyone, we don't own any guns (oh, God, I should probably delete that or I'm sure the NRA will manage to get me fired from my job somehow: http://www.jconline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070225/COLUMNISTS19/702250326), we don't flip people off when we drive, we don't curse (not in front of the kids anyway--appropriate time and place, you know). We pay our taxes--without cheating, we own our home, we go to work and do our jobs, we have insurance, we mow our lawn, pick up our trash and try to be good neighbors.

Given all that, how bad can an appropriate use of spanking be? I believe there is a difference between beating or abusing a child and spanking a child. I was only spanked a few times, the rules about what got you spanked were clear. All it took was a time or two and the mere threat of being spanked, kept me in line. But the spankings that I received were calm, methodical punishments, not random beatings done in a fit of anger. So I see a clear distinction.

Fortunately or unfortunately, spanking is a taboo in this country now. Parents fear that their kids will be taken away for being abused if they spank and therefore, kids rule the roost. Since I work with kids and have often been to people's homes for interviews, I have been given the unique privilege of observing, firsthand, how this fear has affected some families.

I watch those Nanny shows and would love to see how things are going a year later when the parents and kids have reverted to their old habits (notice that they don't seem to do any of those follow-up shows). We learn patterns from our own history and those patterns are hard to break, I think.

What I see in my line of work, is that many parents don't discipline their kids at all. Using effective discipline is hard work and it's difficult to be consistent--which is essential for things like a "naughty chair" to work correctly. Since parents are afraid to use spanking or don't want to deal with the hard work of discipline, they just don't do anything and their kids don't respect them and walk all over them.

The end result for our children...for the generation who will be taking care of us and running our country in 20-30 years? Their parents don't know what to do with them, the schools don't know what to do with them and so they send them off to a psychiatrist who puts them on meds.

Now don't go gettin' all bent out of shape. I am not suggesting that some children don't need medication for legitimate illnesses. I am also not suggesting that corporal punishment will solve childhood mental illness. I am merely suggesting that preventing out of control kids begins at home with good, consistent discipline practices.

I am not a psychiatrist and I am not licensed in any way. So don't go taking my opinion for anything other than what it is--my opinion. My undergraduate schooling is in psychology, my master's education is in counseling, so I am not a complete idiot in this area, but I am far from an expert. I am also not endorsing child abuse or spanking as the way to discipline a child--I just want to be clear on that.

I am simply pondering my current situation and wondering...what happens now? What do I do with my out of control four year old? Am I doomed to have him beating the crap out of me when he is five (like one child I saw on one of those Nanny shows)?

If I did decide to spank him when--for example--he has body slammed his one year old brother to the floor for the 3rd time and spent most of his day in the naughty chair, and no longer has any toys or privileges to lose, do I have to fear that a social worker will be knocking at my door?

So now, I am left not knowing what to do. I bet I'm not alone--as the success of the Nanny shows suggests.

Now where did I put that Nanny show number?......